Not Really history!

A Short, Concise History of the Munda Biddi Trail.
As posted on Facebook on April Fool's Day 2018 (so you aren't going to take it seriously are you??)

Within a couple of years of the first settlement in WA in 1829, planning for a long distance cycle trail commenced. In 1835, the company "Messers Underhill, Norwood & Downer's Acclaimed Bicyclists Independent Dramatic Diarama (Incorporated)" was registered, and work commenced. Because the invention of the safety bicycle was still several decades away, rider numbers on the Trail was initially low (like, really low!).  In the meantime, a by product of the trail clearing, timber, was used for export to fund the further extension of the Trail. Trains carrying timber to port later returned laden with pea gravel ( fossilized kangaroo poo dug up during the construction of Fremantle harbour) to scatter over the Trail, with the idea of making the Trail more bike friendly. The brains trust behind this idea later introduced the cane toad to Queensland.

Mundaring in the local Aboriginal dialect means "start or finish of the Trail". Eskimos may have 63 words for snow, but local Aborigines did not have a word for "Trail Head". Local Aborigines also did not have a word for snow either.

Ron Colman was born in Wungong hut in the 1960's. He assisted the completion of the Munda Biddi Trail, and personally cut the Trail from Donnelly Mill to Manjimup in 1972, when 8 years old. He was a Munda Biddi Trail Foundation chairman for many years, a position he was given solely on the strength of his impressive moustache. In 2014, he joined up with Elon Musk to create Munda Biddi Shuttle Services, with the goal of taking riders from Perth to Albany via the stratosphere in under 30 minutes. Technical issues on his Hiace bus mean that until present, the quickest time he has completed the run is 4.5 hours.

In the local aboriginal language, Dwellingup  means "the worst of the pea gravel is behind you now. But if you are coming from Albany, it is in front of you. Are you sure about continuing? No-one will think less of you if you pull out now". Dwellingup has very poor public transport options, so generally you have the choice of continuing on the Trail, or marrying a local and settling permanently in town. The choice is yours.

Crank'n' Cycles in Collie has fixed just about every broken bike on the Munda Biddi since 1896. Erik, the owner, has a collection of old bike parts ("you never know when someone might need that….") includes essentials like penny farthing wheels, those steamers that plug into your handle bar grips, "spokey dokes" and playing cards that you can peg to to your fork so your spokes sound like a motor. In 2002, Erik was awarded an OMTBA ( Order of Mountain Biking Australia) by Lance Armstrong, 7 times winner of the Tour De France and first man to walk on the moon (along with Buzz Lightyear).

Donnelly Mill was built in 1930's as cheap yet comfortable accommodation for Munda Biddi and Bibbulmun track walkers (the Bib track was built last month so cyclists who couldn't afford bikes could "ride" their own Trail, carrying their panniers on their back). Before the riders (and walkers - pfft) began to arrive, real men used to live there while they cut trees down that were sent to London to aid global warning.

Many people think that you don't see many Australian animals along the Trail because they are more scared of you than you are of them. This is not true, as not once has a snake been found at home googling "bike riders". Every single Australian animal is deadly, and will kill you in seconds. The only way to make you safe on the Trail is to keep the animals behind a fence, which is located just a few hundred metres off the Trail. Behind those trees and bushes, just over there……see it? That is why you will see so few critters on the Trail.

There are 12 custom made huts along the Trail, all spread one day's ride apart. So the entire Trail should take you 12 days, and if you do it any longer, then you cannot call yourself a cyclist. (Maybe you should consider walking the Bib Track??) The huts were all purposely located on thermal cold spots, so regardless of daytime temperatures, at night they plunge regularly below zero degrees Celsius. This nighttime effect is more pronounced when you have packed lightly. Each hut has several solar powered 240 volt power outlets and free wi-fi, but the switches and outlets were designed by hipsters (who prefer single speed fixies, kale shakes and beards).  They disguised them for "aesthetic reasons" and now no-one can find them.

Walpole was built because the ride between Northcliffe and Denmark would have been too far without it. The town's other industry is  bottling "peace and quiet" for export to various markets around the world. "Walpole Serenity" is very popular in cities as diverse as New York, Shanghai and inner city Sydney.

The tingle trees of the Walpole area are so named because of their ability to create a weak static electrical charge. Cyclists who ride very fast passed them will notice their hair start to stand on end and their mobile phones will charge up very slightly. 

Albany was built as a novelty town, as it has Winter nearly every day (much like Melbourne). Perth people like to visit it so they can let locals know how much cheaper it is to stay in Bali.

Riders who complete an "end to end" ride of the Munda Biddi, either in one go, or in stages, are allowed to use the initials "E2E" after their surname. This means they must show all their non riding family and friends their Strava segments, photos and diary notes while wearing almost see through thread bare nicks. It also entitles them to 5% discount at Masters hardware, TopShop and Blockbuster Video.

(Just to be certain……none of the above article is true in the slightest. I hope I have not offended anyone with my attempt at humour.)